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I was reading a blog today, a very clever woman, gorgeous, happy in her marriage, who was trying to assure herself that she didn't want children. Except, it really sounded like she did.
I wanted to tell her that no one is ever fully ready to have kids, because you can always find reasons to wait. I wanted to tell her the relief that I feel now that I was able to get pregnant, have a son, and raise him for the last 2 1/2 years. I wanted to tell her how great it feels to not focus on me anymore, and to not be so selfish anymore, and to love someone more than life itself. I wanted to tell her how you rediscover joy in the face of your child, and seeing the world through their eyes.
But, if I told her that, then I would be obligated to also tell her about the giant chasm of fear that I hold in the back of my soul, knowing all of the terrible things that happen in the world, being clueless as to how to teach my child how to make the good choices that I may not have made, feeling the pain of every suffering child in small spasms.
And then I would tell her that it is all worth it. Every second.
1 comment:
wow! i so totally agree. I remember begging my gyno at age 19 to have my ovaries removed, not just because of my migraines, but because my abusive childhood and "mental illnesses" left me totally unqualified to be a parent. ( I later saw that therapist at a weight loss hypnosis seminar and she was totally batty. She had told me and my mother that I would never function in society and needed institutionalized )Being a parent is the most scary and most joyful experience of my life. I am so thankful for it. What's so amazing is that you teach them so much, but they teach you more.
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